Sleepless Under the Stars.

It is late at night, and I find myself tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Lying on an old mattress, with a pillow tucked under my head, I am looking out of the window at the beautiful, yet unreachable stars. These heavenly, sparkling objects always remind me of my dreams, which seem stunning but are far beyond my current reach.

The faint sound of raindrops splashing on the ground are reaching my ears and the room is filled with the smell of damp mud. This monkey mind of mine refuses to grant me any rest. It is jumping from one thought to another. Some of these thoughts are haunting memories from the past, some are bitter reminders of current adversity, and some are worries about the uncertain future.

The Fragility Behind My Strength

I often say that I am as tough as the Earth's crust because I don’t want to reveal how fragile I truly am, just like the delicate petal of a rose. I pretend to be numb to hurtful remarks and smirks, denying those who derive satisfaction from seeing me in such a state.

Now, heavy tears stream down my cheeks, my heart clenches in pain, and my mind screams at me. There is nobody here to comfort me and assure me that everything will be okay

The Weight of Unanswered Questions

I am telling myself, it is normal to feel hurt, and it is normal to shed tears. I wish the night could last longer, for I am not ready to face another day that I believe will be worse than a nightmare.

Which hope should I cling to in order to regain my fighting spirit? Which possibility for positive change should I hold onto to gather myself together?

Why can’t I be like a free bird, soaring high in the sky? Why can’t I stand on the mountaintop and shout out my sorrows? Why must I stay locked behind four walls?

What must I do to deserve a better life? What actions should I take to live peacefully? What can I do to feel better?

When will everything start to change for better? When will this suffering come to an end? When will my wishes be fulfilled? Will they ever be fulfilled?

A Sudden Awakening

So many questions weigh heavily on me, yet I have no answers…

I don’t even know when I had the lucky moment to doze off, only to be abruptly awakened.

A cold breeze sweeps across my face, making me shiver. As I open my eyes, I saw my favorite books on the nightstand, now drenched in water. The roof has been cracked, allowing raindrops to seep through. With great difficulty, I had acquired these books. Now they are ruined beyond recognition. Holding them close to my chest, blood dripping from my heart, I softly whispered to my books, “My dear ones, I know I can no longer read you, but I promise to carry the wisdom I gained from you in my heart throughout my life.”

The Light Enters Through the Wound

Now, I know that Albert Camus was right when he said, “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.” The same sentiment is echoed by Rumi when he expressed, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

I will carry the beautiful words of Maya Angelou with me throughout this day. Her invaluable words remind me that, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

As I embrace the day, I draw strength from Mahatma Gandhi's wisdom, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” I am resolute in my commitment to helping my Afghan sisters and those around me, despite the limited resources at my disposal.

A New Dawn of Courage

Good morning to me! With courage and determination, I will face any obstacles that come my way.